The Power of Holding — and the Guilt That Follows

How many times have you heard, “You’re spoiling your baby”?

Or, If you keep holding them, they’ll never want to be put down”?

Or even, “They’ll never sleep properly if they only fall asleep in your arms”?

I’ve heard those words too — more times than I care to remember.

And for a while, I genuinely wondered if I was doing something wrong.

These comments — said casually, almost carelessly — begin to pile up inside us.

They settle in the corners of our hearts, whispering fears that were never truly ours to begin with.

Fears that we’re making mistakes.

That we’re creating dependence.

That our arms are becoming a crutch.

That love — pure and instinctive — might somehow become a problem.

And just like that, guilt finds its way in.

Softly at first, then louder.

Until it makes us question what we know deep down to be true:

That holding our babies is exactly what they need.

Because holding isn’t spoiling.

It’s safety. It’s reassurance.

It’s love in its most tangible form.

It’s where our babies remembers our scent, recognises our heartbeat, and settles into a world that feels safe. It’s their first home — and in many ways, ours too.

Being held is a need.

For them, and for us.

In the sleepless haze of early days, in the cries we can’t always decode, in the weariness that clings to our bones — holding our baby brings comfort to both of us.

It anchors us. It softens everything.

It reminds us: this love has weight, and it’s worth carrying.

Still, the guilt persists.

Not because it’s ours — but because it’s been handed to us.

By well-meaning relatives.

By strangers in shops.

By voices that echo outdated beliefs, wrapped in concern.

They tell us to be careful. To pull back. To teach independence too soon.

That arms are indulgent. That love can become too much.

That we’re doing it wrong.

But here’s what I want you to know:

There is no such thing as too much affection.

No such thing as too many cuddles.

No such thing as loving our your baby too deeply.

Holding your baby won’t ruin them.

It teaches them they are safe.

That they are seen.

That they belong.

We need more arms wide open, and fewer fingers pointing.

More support, less doubt.

More gentleness with ourselves.

You are not getting it wrong.

You are choosing connection.

You are building trust.

You are teaching your child — through your presence — that the world can be a kind place.

And you?

When was the last time someone held you?

Because mothers need holding too.

Not always in arms, but in understanding.

In “I see you”. In “You’re doing your best”.

In the quiet presence of someone who stays, without judgement, without rushing you to be okay.

Let’s talk more about that.

Let’s bring holding back to its rightful place.

Let’s stop treating comfort as a flaw.

Let’s release the guilt.

Because in the end, holding is where mother and baby meet — and for a moment, everything feels right again.